HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as

a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are

trying to hit.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard

cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes

containing seats and motorcycle jackets.

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes

until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling

mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes to the rear

wheel.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle.

It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion,

and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future

becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they

can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects

in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a brake drum

you're trying to get the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles,

they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2

socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal

bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your

beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were

drying.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the

workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and

hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...."

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a motorcycle to the ground after you

have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack handle firmly

under the front fender.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a motorcycle upward off a

hydraulic jack.

TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.

PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor

jack.

SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading

mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten

times harder than any known drill bit.

TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup.

TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength

of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that

inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the

handle.

BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from a

car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery

is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light,

it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not

otherwise found under motorcycles at night. Health benefits aside, it's main

purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm

howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of

the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin

oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as